Monday, August 20, 2007

The Zombies Are The Coming

Good day to you my fellow netizens. My name is Derrick Wolfgang Peterson II and I stand here today to bring you chilling news; Zombies. Are. Coming.

Yes, what first began as the childish notions of dead people coming back to life has evolved into something more sinister; more perverse. This menace is ever present and it draws upon us as we speak, as we breathe, even as we toss and turn in our beds. Yes my brothers and sisters the writing is clearly on the wall, the grapevine is loaded with nothing more than the news of our impending Armageddon. The dead will walk the Earth. The dead will rise from their fitful slumber.

We have been warned countless times but will we take heed of these messages in our final hours of tranquility?

In recent years, the human population has been skyrocketing. With more people, unfortunately, come more deaths. In fact with the amount of dead piling up at the very doorstep of Hell right now, the very words uttered by that black guy in Dawn of the Dead 2 becomes so much more poignant to us now. When there's no more room in Hell, the Dead shall walk the Earth. By no means are we to take this warning lightly for that choice leads us towards the swift highway to our demise or god forbid, our unholy ressurection.

As such, we must begin mounting our defences. There is much to be accomplished and we must not tarry if we are to weather this flood of rotting guts bile and grime. The living shall prevail over whatever Hell spews forth from its diseased loins. Already governments are implementing safety precautions in the homes of the average citizen. Machetes, Pickaxes, Toothpicks, Blow torches, Monkey Wrenches, Blow-up dolls are all part-and-parcel of the average home and in the event of a zombie invasion, they could mean the difference between life and dying as a virgin.

In order to contribute to the war effort against the denizens of your local cemetary. The Council of Undead Fighting Uber Warriors of Holy Baby Infant Jebus (TCUFUWHBIJ) has created this manual found conveniently on this Online Journal Website to educate the layman on things to do should the zombies come. Here you will find detailed escape plans, combat strategies, tips, tricks, leet uber haxes should we be faced with a zombie invasion in the next decade.

Peace to you my brethren.
May AAS protect us all.

Derrick Wolfgang Peterson II
B.Hons Necrology
B.Hons Archeology
B.Hons Banging your Mom
Zombloke II

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