Thursday, August 23, 2007

Potential Zombie Threats

This is ZomblokeII or Zombloke2.0 or The Zombloke formerly known as Derrick Wolfgang Peterson II. Turns out that we here in subterranean bunker MB-1 require super duper secret passcodes to access the coffee machines and the cafeteria so I'd best start referring to myself in code.

The most pressing issue right here and right now is detection of a potential outbreak. As mentioned by Zombloke, zombies usually appear out of nowhere, with little to no discernible cause. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that we identify 'threat' zones and act quickly either to minimize the threat level or to cordon off the area in question.

As some may have noticed today, a circular rainbow appeared around the sun. This was the direct result of our advanced cosmic satellites utilizing the full extent of the energy spectrum in attempt to designate and identify these 'threat' zones. So far, we have established at least 42123 potential sites that our agents out in the field are working to classify and contain.

For now, it is best that we alert the public on dealing with Zombies. This article aims to address what one should do in terms of finding accommodation should zombies strike.

Firstly, it is important that you get to a position as far away from the zombies as possible. By this I don't mean run to the hills but instead work towards finding higher ground. Apartment buildings and shopping centres are ideal for this. One, they provide a vantage point allowing you to spot potential incoming threats or survivors. Two, they have at least one sealed access way which if you're lucky enough remains sealed and can be used as an escape route. Furthermore, the amount of resources found your average apartment block or shopping centre can be used for many different things. Amongst these, the most crucial are as construction materials to erect barricades, food and water for sustenance, and potential weapons which can be used in self-defence. The presence of a radio or television set is also crucial as it allows one to maintain a link with the outside world, allowing you to receive or transmit signals to other survivor colonies and/or rescue efforts

Once you have found suitable lodgings, it is advised that you immediately access it as you would a Single Party State. A good place to set up base would be anywhere with the following
(in order of importance):

1) A nifty escape route.
2) A cache of materials which can be used to form defensive barriers should zombies get in. Conversely, if one is able to seal off all possible entrances and/or maintain a close watch on all of them, this would be the most ideal situation.
3) A supply of food and drink. This could be a provision store, a supermarket, 5 fridges filled with nachos and gatorade, etc.
4) A weapons store: knives, guns, wooden ladels, hockey sticks, morning stars, etc.
5) A radio. If you don't have one with you, get one and fast. You will need it for communication and information purposes. This is VERY IMPORTANT.

Once you have assessed your situation, start foraging for materials to put a barrier between you and the zombies. Lock your doors, board up the windows, set the booby traps, whatever it is, do this quickly. If you have partners with you it is imperative that you work together. Divide the labour to ensure maximum efficiency. Check your current position for any supplies that can be used to satisfy the above two criterion for a suitable base camp. If you lack any of the above, it is advised that you grab any weapons lying around and look for a safer residence.
(See Traveling guide for more details.)

If by some fortunate stroke of luck you have found an ideal camp, don't get too comfy. Zombies are notorious for sneakily slipping past defences in a mass horde so never let your guard down. Keep a close eye on your entrances and never ever forget your escape plan. It could mean the difference between life and undeath. Also, it would be prudent for you to start planning for a more permanent settlement (those twinky bars won't last forever.) In these situations, one should probably attempt to make contact with other survivors or any rescue efforts being conducted. There is strength in numbers (or a whole lot of meat shields, whatever.) and there is even more strength behind the 50 tonne husk of M1 Abrams Tank so keep a lookout for any of the living as their presence could prove beneficial.
(See Escape, ZombiePolitik, Getting the Big Guns for more details.)

This guide will be updated in the next few hours with more helpful tips as our expert team of zombie survival coordinators work to collate new and fresh information.

Master of the Elements
Copper, Uranium, Nickel and Thallium

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