Monday, January 12, 2009

Zombies In That Cinema Too

Bonjour mon petit ami faible.

Today we bring to you the second part of our box office nightmare, "How To Survive A Zombie Attack Whilst In A Cinema Watching A Movie". In this little segment, we will be covering the recommended escape methods to be employed during a zombie attack whilst in a cinema.

Thus far you have successfully purchased your pre-movie snacks without setting off a zombie invasion; Good Job!

Now the scary thing about a zombie attack in a cinema is that you most probably won't see it coming. Just think about it:

  1. You're in a dark/dimly lit place with your attention focused entirely on something.
  2. Chances are that the cinema you're in has at least one entrance behind your seat.
  3. Jerky or slow movements are common in a cinema as people stumble about in the darkness or try to squeeze past the tub of lard on the way out to the loo.
These are but some of the reasons why a zombie attack in a cinema is extremely deadly. With your situational awareness levels at pretty much negative twenty-three percent, it will be difficult to notice the signs of a zombie attack until it is far too late. For people such as myself who enjoy focusing on a movie just so I can spot a few continuity errors or other screw-ups, this lapse of concentration could be detrimental to my well being.

In this case, the best way of survival is to have some form of early notification in order to preempt a zombie attack. For instance, many zombie invasions usually occur in remote places of the world before striking major population centres and developing into a global pandemic of undeath. Doing your research and taking note of small things such as disappearances in the rural areas or the unexplained deaths of livestock and what not could make a difference between life and death. Having a private circle of informants that update each other over the phone would also be useful (But please remember to set your phones to silent mode during the show!).

If, however, the zombie invasion should be a spontaneous one or the initial outbreak occurs within your locale, then the best bet is to have some handy means of defending oneself until a proper escape can be executed. (e.g. getting to the car park, safehouse, etc.) We here at MB-1 recommend a 9mm pistol, hockey stick, video camera tripod or an Original KFC drumstick; As long as the weapon works for you, use it.

Once an attack is confirmed, you should immediately seek to leave the cinema and search for a more favourable location for the mounting of a defence or to seek out supplies, weapons or a friendly hand. It is a good idea to memorize the basic floor plans of the cineplex or shopping mall that you're currently in. Things to note should be the emergency escape routes (avoid these, they'll be clogged up and eventually turned into death traps.), choke points, access doors, employee exits and other features that would allow for an expeditious exit. During your escape, it is advisable to choose the most open pathway as that gives you the greatest number of options during your hectic flight from the compound.

In our previous installment, we've seen how a single zombie in a large group of people could lead to a huge disaster. Now put that large mass of people in a stairwell with zombies hemming them in from all sides. You get the point.

In conclusion, one can say that going to the movies is an individual responsibility. It is up to the individual to make his or her contingency plans as best suited to one's circumstances and personality. All in all, it is always best to err on the side of caution when weighing up the risks involved in watching movies.

So if you're planning to brave the streets in order to catch Ong Bak 2...

Forget it.

Zombloke II


Anonymous said...

Virtual Casino tyuueooru
Play Casino Game
If you end up choosing a not-so-good online casino website, you'll never enjoy the actual pleasure arriving with online gambling.
[url=]Download Casino[/url]
Reliable Online Casinos
Get free welcome bonus when depositing for the first time! You'll get 100% free with your first deposit or up to $20. - No Deposit Casino
So, it is vital to be able to find a right online casino website for you if you don't want your online gambling experience to be annoying and regretting.

Anonymous said...

Im very interested in getting a Forex robot to trade for me. I have heard great things about forex robots, But I am not sure which forex robot works the best. Im a new to forex completely and Im just looking for an automated way to make money from home. Would you even recommend trading with a forex robot at this current economic time? How much many can make with a forex robot and what is the best forex robot from your personal experience. Please help. Thanks
[url=]best forex software[/url] [url=]unlock iphone[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hey I'd like to congratulate you for such a terrific made site!
Just thought this is a nice way to make my first post!

Hilary Driscoll
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=]backyardigans Party Supplies[/url].

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Dismiss Sluggish Downloads Using NZB Downloads You Can Quickly Find Movies, PC Games, MP3s, Software and Download Them @ Dashing Rates

[URL=][B]NZB Search[/B][/URL]

Anonymous said...

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.............................................

Anonymous said...

Hi There I'd love to congratulate you for such a terrific made site!
Was thinking this would be a nice way to introduce myself!
In order to collect assets it is usually a smart idea to begin a savings or investing plan as early in life as achievable. But don't worry if you have not started saving your money until later on in life. As a result of hard work, that is investigating the best investment vehicles for your assets you can slowly but surely increase your growth so that it numbers to a large amount by the period you wish to retire. Look at all of the achievable asset classes from stocks to real estate as investments for your money. A knowledgeable and diversified portfolio of investments in a wide range of asset classes can make your money rise through the years.

-Clare Grafton
[url=]currency exchange rates[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hello. My wife and I bought our house about 6 months ago. It was a foreclosure and we were able to get a great deal on it. We also took advantage of the 8K tax credit so that definitely helped. We did an extensive remodeling job and now I want to refinance to cut the term to a 20 or 15 year loan. Does anyone know any good sites for mortgage information? Thanks!