Thursday, November 1, 2007

Diary of a PARANOID MAN VI: *IMPORTANT* I Saw A Zombie Yesterday

T'was around the twenty-first hour when I first saw the foul spawn of hell.

However, where a normal man might quail in fear and die or react with stupid disbelief and die, I did not do either. Instead, instinct and training kicked in. Executing a zero-point turn, I wheeled about and split, making a beeline for the trusty metal pole I always leave lying in an obscure corner.

Grabbing it and feeling the supreme power that only a five-foot metal pole can give, I performed several dexterous twirls with my weapon before sending a crushing overhead strike onto the skull of my zombie foe.

It collapsed and I scrambled forth to investigate. Had the zombie invasion truly begun? Was there still time to save civilization before all was lost? Should I take a ride down to Burger King to eat my last Double Whopper with Cheese before life as I know it ends?

Upon closer inspection, I figured the zombie was about 4 feet, roughly 120 cm. I felt it quite odd and was about to investigate further when I detected sudden movement through my peripheral vision. Jerking my head up, I was astonished to see several more of those evil four foot zombies with pale-looking adults.

OH SNAP! I'M SURROUNDED! Watching as my foes closed in around me, I noted the shocked looks on the 'adult' zombies, they obviously were the first victims of those evil short-statured bastards. Their deaths had to be avenged.

Letting my honed combat skills settle in, I leapt into the fray, crying bloody murder as I smashed downwards, taking one of the small zombies down in an instant, splattering brains all over the sidewalk. Using the back end of my staff, I jabbed backwards, impaling one of the adults through his gut and into his spine. The jarring grind of bone on metal almost caused me to drop my pole but I held fast, determined to make it out of this disaster, or die trying.

At this point the zombies suddenly began to turn and flee. Judging by the speed at which they moved, I quickly concluded that these were physically-enhanced zombies similar to those in Dawn of the Dead. It also appeared to me that they must have detected the scent of weak flesh in the distance and were obviously moving to devour it. This would not do!

Shouting Honour and Glory to the great AAS, I surged after them, lashing out with my staff and knocking two more zombies to the ground. A quick stab through the skull finished them off as I continued my chase.

In a matter of five minutes it was over. The zombies were defeated, lying dead and broken all over the blood-stained street. I walked over to one of the four-foot zombies lying on the ground, his neck dangling at an awkward angle. Bending down, I stared into the cold dead eyes of my enemy. Noting some discolouration with his skin, I rubbed at the blemish, only to pull away tacky face-paint...


Zombloke II
Lying low for the next few days
Has plans to skip town
Happy Halloween!!

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