Friday, November 9, 2007

The Annals of Wu Zun #1

Weather: Warm, high of Hot and overnight low of Not-So-Hot

I have started this diary in the hopes of courting that awesomely cute waitress down at the Green Pagoda, where I carry out my weekend job as a bouncer. Chicks dig guys who can write as I am told, something about poetry and what not.

My name is Zhun of the noble House of Wu. I am the 5th eldest son and heir to my father's salt mines down in the province of Shan Dong. A bright future lies before me but I dare not embrace it, for a life as a simple foreman does not appeal to me. You see, I believe I have been called to do greater things, to travel down the Martial River, forever seeking greater knowledge and understanding of the Martial Arts.

My father does not approve. He insists that I should learn Mathematics, how to use an Abacus, how to shift numbers around so the books look balanced and what not. But I do not want to. Addition hurts my mind, my fingers not adept at manipulating little beads on a stick and numbers... also hurt my brain.

I am a warrior, like my great great grandfather. I have spent countless years within the terracotta confines of the great Mo Dai To Academy, honing my skills with the Jin, the Dao, the Gu, the Composite Bow and the Cho Ku No. Like I said, I am a warrior.

I must go now, a bunch of Mongol barbarians are kicking up a fuss over the quality of our rice wine. Fools, they wouldn't know good alcohol if it were shoved up their pee holes. Ah one is walking over towards me now. God, his breath reeks. Ok, he's got out a dagger, why did I not search these guys before letting them in? Oh yea, I was writing this. Ok, gotta run. Later.

Wu Zhun
14th Sun Cycle of the 11th Lunar Month of the Year of the Ox


*Translator Notes: Did not make anything up. Nothing whatsoever.


Zombloke 2
Regrets burning Chinese dictionaries
Is not a member of the Red Guard
Not a Commie

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