Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Point of Salvation

Some here at MB-1 feel that my post today is quite out of place for several reasons. One, it is an uncharacteristically happy post, which I don't find odd at all. Two, such news should only be revealed if and when a zombie invasion occurs as a form of moral booster. Bollocks, I say, it's best to educate the masses about potential 'free zones' before the zombies arrive so we can at least attempt a getaway!

This theory stems from several zombie flicks, most notable of which would be either Land of the Dead by Herr Romero or the Milla Jovovich show, a.k.a. Resident Evil. In both movies, several characters attempt to travel to Alaska upon hearing rumours that the Zombie Invasion has yet to spread to said location. The point here I guess is that due to the fact that Alaska is a freezing hellhole, something about it impairs or prevents the zombies or the zombie spreading virus from encroaching on their lands.

Let's first examine some possible factors and determine which one is the most plausible.

1) The treacherous terrain of Alaska impedes the progress of Zombies. The terrain of Alaska is largely permafrost. Usually it provides a solid enough surface to traverse across but due to global warming much of that once passable terrain is now a boggy mush pretty much all year round.

Hence, thanks to the blessing that is the greenhouse effect, Alaska is well fortified by the wetlands that surround it which could impede wandering zombies.

However, this physical barrier is hardly enough to hold back a zombie spreading virus, a la 28 days later, or zombie vermin/carrion/animals that could possibly circumnavigate the treacherous swamps. Furthermore, there is still plenty of good solid ground where zombies could cross thereby unleashing their reign of terror on the populace.

Probability Meter: 15%

2) Alaska boasts 34000 miles of tidal shoreline due to it having many islands. Islands are relatively safe havens in a zombie invasion. If spruced up and made self-sustaining, it's basically your paradise where you can hide away while the world collapses upon itself.

With some basic necessities such as fuel, food, agricultural implements and so on, one could conceivably create an island fort. Of course, do thoroughly scour the island for zombies and do make sure you have enough space to sustain yourself and the other people you've managed to liberate from the perils of the mainland.

The chances of zombies actually getting to your island is pretty low once you've established yourself. Unless they're the type straight out of Land of the Dead, then I figure they're probably not intelligent enough to realize they don't need to breathe and thus decide to take a stroll down to your little island fort. Lucky for you, they may or may not get pulverized by the pressure of the deep sea but if they don't, well, many sleepless nights abound then.

Probability Meter: 45%

3) The Natives. It is unknown to many, myself included, but it has been said that the Inuits were once great warriors who battled fiercely against the undead legions of long ago. Whilst there is no historical data supporting such a cataclysmic event occurring in the past, legend has it that the Inuits waged a bloody and terrible war across the raging waters of the Arctic Seas, fighting tooth and nail to save humanity from the zombie menace.

Following the defeat of the zombie hordes, the Inuits retreated to a safe haven near the roof of the world, swearing to preserve their warrior spirit and to once again rise up and defend the world should such a disaster present itself. They might not have 52 words for 'Snow' but they have definitely have 52 words for balls in my book.

If this is true, then perhaps it is wise to seek refuge in the frigid lands of the Inuit. However, it's most like bull.

Probability Meter: 0.0001% (Although it would be shit awesome if it did happen.)

4) The Cold. Ah, the mighty powers wielded by Old Man Winter are a force to be reckoned with indeed. The sub-zero temperatures of Alaska are more than capable of stopping both men and machine alike in their tracks. But how will it fare against the legions of Undeath? Let's find out!

Zombies are basically reanimated corpses and are therefore physically human. Hence, it can be inferred that their bodies suffer the same punishment from the elements that we do. The weather of the Alaskan Tundra is extremely harsh even during the best of times. Frostbite and other frost related ailments are often suffered by the uninitiated members of the populace. Although zombies do not suffer from hypothermia, they might lose an arm or a leg attempting the treacherous hike North.

Hence it is possible for the chill of winter to literally freeze a horde of zombies in their tracks. Most zombies are usually clad in little more than the clothes their former selves died in, attire that is utterly unfit for arctic travels. So, yes, the chill of winter is a plausible method of deterring a zombie invasion into Alaska.

What about viruses or other forms of airborne pathogens? Well, it is likely that the cold could inhibit the propagation of the virus and may even kill it outright. It certainly is a heartening thought.

Probability Factor: 82% (Coincidentally, it achieves a Grade 7.)

Since the climate ultimately affects the sustainability of Alaska in a zombie invasion, one can draw several links to other states much closer to home. Siberia for instance, or perhaps the Northernmost fjords of Norway, or Greenland. As long as its freezing all year round, it should be safe from the zombie menace. However, establishing a compound that can sustain you for quite some time is going to be difficult and it is currently being researched by our MB-1 team during their free time. (Hah.)

Of course, people might also say that the whole allusion to Alaska was Hollywood's attempt at acknowledging the adopted kid in the family, but hey, they probably voted that they would commit suicide in the face of a zombie invasion so who needs them eh?

That's all for now.
Coming to you live from MB-1, this is Derrick Wolfgang Peterson II saying bah-bye.

Zombloke II
Party Hard

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