Monday, September 3, 2007


This is Zombloke II here, still writing to you from behind 20 inches of solid stainless steel. Many of you might be wondering why Zombloke has not been posting for so long. Understand that no internal strife is taking place within MB-1 right now. That is just stupid and counter-productive to our efforts in tackling an impending zombie invasion.

Zombloke is merely on assignment in Transylvania. He will return sometime soon and hopefully with some cigars and booze. (we're kinda running short down here, donations are plzthx)

Anyway. The Red Moon has passed and no zombie invasions have occurred. See? Told you so. Yet, we must not let our guard down. We have received credible intelligence that the Red Moon was caused by an overzealous gremlin and an ungodly amount of red crepe paper. This could well have been a covert operation to trick us into inaction and sluggishness. This must not happen. We must remain eternally vigilant in our fight lest we find ourselves trapped in our own bathrooms with the only weapons to defend ourselves being a toothbrush and the sight of our naked bodies.

Coincidentally, that brings me to today's topic for discussion. Weapons. What to use in the event of a Zombie Invasion.

Well, weapons by definition are an extension of Man's fist, his primary killing tool. From acclaimed documentaries such as Fight Science, 10 Most Deadly Chinese Weapons and Enter the Ninja, we here at MB-1 have shortlisted criteria that a good weapon MUST have.

1) Range. Yes. It's obvious. We want to kill zombies but stay as far away from them as possible so as to avoid those nasty cuts and bites. Of course some weapons do this better than others like a M16 versus a pen knife for instance.

2) Synergy with User + User's teammates. Well, Zombie Survival is no laughing matter. (You certainly won't be laughing once you've had your jaw RIPPED RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE BITCH.) Weapons that you employ must allow you to work effectively with your teammates to increase your rate of survival. For instance, you probably won't want to stand behind all your friends and fire a flamethrower over their heads at a mass of zombies now would you? Of course, various tactics can be employed to enhance teamwork but that will be covered in later updates.

3) Oomph! Factor. Killing large amounts of zombies with no end in sight is going to get horribly demoralizing. Furthermore, as you (unfortunately) lose more and more comrades, your morale is gonna really take a huge hit. Therefore, it is advised to stock up on weapons with an Oomph! Factor. This means carrying a weapon around that can seriously tear shit up. Blowing up a zombie into a million nasty rotting fragments or throwing a molotov into a sea of the undead can be strangely liberating. Do this to keep morale up. Of course bear in mind that you shou;dn't kill off half your team with that grenade.

4) Ammunition. Ah the bane of the real world. Unlike in computer games you aren't going to get a nifty ammo cheat. So conserve your ammunition and make every shot count or you're going to find yourself dead, and fast, with no bullet to commit suicide with. Alternatively, you could get your hands on a weapon that doesn't need ammunition. These weapons are largely melee-style and will often require you to get a bit too close for comfort with the zombie masses. In this case, grab some arm guards and some armour as a precautionary measure. Nevertheless, these weapons still have a lot of Oomph! in them (imagine a katana fucking slicing a zombie in fucking halve).

5) Practicality. Ideally your weapon should have more than one usage. In times of a zombie invasion you won't exactly have the time to lug around different tools for different situations. Hence, it's best to get a weapon that can serve multiple purposes. For example, a crowbar can be used not only as a weapon, but as a tool for opening shit up, ranging from locked doors to cans of beef stew. However, if you're toting a kick ass firearm (and maybe a swiss army knife) then you can ignore this bit.

This is all I have for you right now. But I'll be back later with some classic weapon schematics and run-downs on what you should choose in the event of a zombie invasion!

Zombloke 2
Ph.D House of the Dead 1,2,3
Purveyor of assorted weaponry
Bought a tonne of baked beans

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